Commuting is not exactly my forte. never has been. especially not a commute by public transport daily for an hour and a half two ways. And espcecially not for work ;)

But then this shift from 80 ft rd to the new office has added an entirely new dimension, an entirely new factor to life. Commute is the new buzz word. Bus is the new mantra. Travel is the latest in thing.

Aversion to change is not something ingrained in me. By all standards, I am fairly adaptable and mutable to change, well , not like an e.coli, yet not as stubborn as the dinosaur. Plus, i had somehow romanticized the idea of traveling in the bus.

the bright red bus, with AC spewing cool air on to me, whilst i sit back on the semi rigid plastic chairs looking thru the glass, onto the city go by its daily chores. AAh the optimism of an uninitiated mind!

A week into the dream, and its not just soured, but turned into a terrible nightmare.

Buses aren't all red ;) all don't have Ac. The ones that have, don't always use them. There definitely has been not a single day when i "sat" as much as for a second, leave alone the whole ride. And the city is pretty much inside the bus. Nothing else can explain the crowd inside every single bus. Add to that frustratingly somber and sullen looking, foul mouthed conductors, early morning ready to wipe off any little optimism one wud have for the day ahead.

Like the Tormentors and the Death Eaters from Azkabaan, the bus ride sucks out life form me, evey day as i start another gruelling rush to work and back home.

Still I do look forward to the ride, die hard romantic that I am.

The bus ride still is a window to immense possibilities. People have fallen in love in a bus, people have found new friends in a bus, people have struck deals in a bus, people have broken up shaky ties in a bus.

I aim to do more too, I plan to regain my dream of a bus ride from the clutches of a ruthless inorganic mass of crowd commuting with me daily. I am determined to not bow down to the rigors of a machanical lifestyle, I intend to stop and pause, ponder and wonder, find my way and sometimes wander, as i ride the bus to work each day.

Scourging through news items is what we media analysts do for a living. And in the process of looking through scores of links online, a seasoned news hound would definitely smell out news of his/her interest, simultaneously making a fairly accurate measure of the region/nation's media preferences.

Being one such mortal addicted to news and information in all shapes sizes and bytes, I am guilty as charged to the above crime. My ingression doesn't end with this though, for a daily exposure to publishing giants from the three worlds we are divided into, forces my yet un-dumbed-down mind to draw parallels,and worry over the consequences.

A cursory look at the media in the U.S. and India, would lead one to conclude that either could switch nationalities and the world still be the beautiful chaotic mess it is today. But look not too far under the gloss glam and front page gimmickry,and one would find the difference. The difference of assuredness at being a superpower, and the contrasting ignorance bordering on arrogance that our Indian media specializes in.

Why, i always wondered, that a nation like Ghana, be bothered with body scanners in New Jersey, or why Nepal's national daily splash Obama's Af-Pak policy on its front pages, with a thorough analysis inside. Of what interest would tumult in Latin American states be, for PlusNews of an already ailing Pakistan? And, more importantly, why Indian dailies have increasingly relegated international coverage to a single page flooded by classifieds adds, unless of course its our troublesome neighbours or their dragon friend? Africa, Middle East, Latin America, East Asia, the ASEAN,SAARC, regions that have traditionally been and will always be of India's strategic interest, scarcely find a mention in our public discourse. Compare this to how Britain and Washington hog the limelight, and it is clear something is wrong with our media's worldview.

Day in and day out, we are fed a concocted mixture of planted news, views and "analysis" with the preordained conclusion of us having "arrived" globally. In this maddening avalanche of self-glorification, we have lost a sense of purpose, a sense of direction as a society. In a never ending drumming of jingoistic cacophony, the media seems to have forgotten that a superpower can only stand tall on the support of an informed citizenry. In this blinding haze of proclaiming our importance, we seem to have falsified the truth that to grow in stature, we need a constant dialogue with the rest of the world.

We need a media that can bring the world to our door steps daily, that can break up world issues shedding light on how these would affect us, for we can not dream of a greater role in the legion of nations, unless we know how their world revolves.

News has always meant to be a looking glass for us to peep into the world. What we chose to look at reflects upon our standing as a people. It defines our intent, and our worldview. If being on the top is what we intend to do, shrinking our worldview is definitely not gonna help our intent!

Its eleven thirty in the night, and I am hungry and stimulated. Motivated, is more like it. For i just wrapped up watching Julie and Julia. Based on two true stories, the film can easily be anyone’s life story. It sure had glimpses of my own life in it.

No, I am not a girl about to enter her thirties, stuck in a mediocre life and lost. Lost, I am, aren’t we all? Each one of us is looking for something, some place, but is stuck with or at a totally different place in life. We all are looking for that hand, that one little thing to pull us out of this endless whirlpool that seems to be sucking us in, day in and day out.

So there it is, there is a Julie in all of us.

Do I have a Julia in me though? That, i aint so sure of it yet. Though I’d love to. Who wouldn’t? Being Julia is all about finding that one thing in life that gives me real joy, real happiness. That one thing, which, when I do, leaves behind a warmth in my heart and a smile on my lips. That one thing, which in the ideal world, I would be doing every single moment I am awake.

Do I have it in me to find that thing? And if I do find it, do I have the courage to grab the opportunity and take a shot at it? Will I be strong and brave enough to rough it out for a little time till things transition to the la la land where I am happy forever? Will I have the conviction Julie had to go through with recreating the recipies over one year?

The recipie to my perfect life is in sight. I have just about begun to start collecting the ingredients. All that sI now need is the will to pull through. Just like Julie and Julia had. I have the bread of my life ready, it’s time to spread the butter. The right amount, the right way!

was standing at the bus stop a few weeks ago, when i came across this girl in a burkha. the black long burkha, was just long enuff for me to see a glimpse of the jeans that she wore under it. as i looked at her feet, she was in stilletos those really hip high heels tat i generally fear whilst roving my eye at a bus stop :P

amazing ! is all i cud think of. for burkha, the much malligned islamic attire, was more a symbol of subjugation, somehting i guessed was worn out of compulsion and not out of choice. and here she was, wearing the burkha with elan over her jeans, and what i assume wud have been a chic top too!

as i gazed further at her, ( helped tat my bus was nowhere to be seen ) i couldnt help marvel at how at oddity she was from the burkha-clad-stereotype woman we always like to parade when we speak of the other half of our religious history. she spoke fluent english, a rather upper crust elite education shone thru the way she carreid her self. she was definitely employed. her bag exemplified her clasy taste . the ruffled folds on her burkha testified to have been on the whole day and not just to avoid recognition by kith and kin on the road. she really was in total control of herself, and her surroundings, aware of guys looking at her, and in a very confident and healthy way, enjoying the attention.

so what was she? liberated indian woman, living on her own terms, covering her self up from head to toe ( well almost) out of choice, asserting her right to be a muslim in this world, and yet be progressive and liberated ?

or was she a sad girl , trying to be "in" with the crowd her age, forced to be under a burkha? hiding her hopes and ambitions under the dark all encompasing cloth that religion draped on her ?

even as i could think of an answer to these queries, zoom came her boyfreind, and vroom went she behind him on a bike, burkha still intact!

what was she? who was she? the liberated woman? or the chained muslim girl running away from herslef?

I have put on some extra kilos of late, or so I have been told. Not by a concerned girl friend, unable to wrap her slender arms around my ever-increasing girth, but my well meaning friends who intend to keep me in shape till I land that girl ready to ,, u know, wrap herself around me :P

Now, I have wanted to get fat for long. No I am not poking fun at those who are a lil larger than most of us, I really mean it, when I say that after the desire to meet madz, the only ferverent desire of my life was to get fat. I am sick of being thin (no offence meant to all those who fight each day to stay grounded and not fly away with the next breeze), tired of being asked “arre beta khana theek nai milta wahaan?” by all and sundry, bored of being reminded that how healthy I “used” to be and how I have become now, makes me feel I’ve contracted some terminal sickness of sorts!

So, as is obvious, I’ve tried all in my strength to get those extra pounds. Gym, over eating, binging, stuffing, god knows gluttony has been my biggest sin for the past few years of my life! And yet, I never managed to grow even an inch in girth! All that I ate went where god knows! (I secretly believe my gluttony was being punished in this life itself, freeing me from the sin in the other world.) I’d stare longingly at obese people, checking out clothes in the XXXL sizes at malls, longing for that chance, imagining the joy of being able to fit into a t shirt that looks like a mini tent for a three year old’s camping trip! All my attempts, all my prayers went to a royal waste, as I started resigning to the fact that it just aint in my DNA to gain weight! But that was until now!

What has changed now? Nothing much, and yet a lot! I am pretty much the same guy, with the same lifestyle. Each day I park my royal saet for a stretch of 8 hours, doing pretty much nothing, other than shooting the air, eat ( am sure those who see the act, would prefer to call it hog ) the same, “baahar ka khaana” and infact have stopped gyming for quite a while now! And yet, I Am Fat now!

It’s like an unstoppable juggernaut, this weight gaining of mine! And its like the best thing to have happened to me since multiplexes and pani puri. I was happy, overjoyed, as each day I got up a few pounds heavier than the day before. My happiness knew no bounds, until now!

What happened again?? I went shopping for some pants! Now as every guy / gal who has gone through the rigors of gaining all rounded health (pun intended) would know, the weight u gain is inversely proportional to the number of clothes in your wardrobe that fit you. So unable to avoid the ignobility of bulging through my clothes (in reality being unable to squeeze myself into even my night pajamas) I headed to this store. Ecstatic at having finally graduated to the ALL size section of the malls, there was a new verve to my walk (whatever the weight could allow me of course) as I approached the clothes stack. And then I froze!

Now what happened?? I didn’t fit in any of the clothes there!! Nothing in the ALL size fit my slender waist; nothing in the stacks was a tent big enough to cover me! Heartbroken, crestfallen, hiding myself from the stares of the tohers around in the shop, as I walked back home despondent and sad, all I could think of was that I have put on some extra kilos of late, or so I have now seen for myself.

Sometimes you got to live with your mental problems. This is what Bart Simpson was saying. Loud and clear with his trademark smirk on, day in and day out, from a poster I drew for my work bench that I share with another fellow Indian. Until, the colleague of mine vandalised it. Mutilated it, with tasteless plasterwork aided by the most unattractive form of sticker tape available, disfiguring the poster. He left a signed note on it too, lest I credit the bartification of my Bart to Mr. Nobody or the aliens who land each day to pick up some of my other co-workers. But naturally, I was offended by this brute show of power, albeit faceless. I sulked, at my inability to give back in the same coin, and at my helplessness to defend what was mine. It took me a full 24 hours to realise how wrong I was in sulking, and how easy the solution to the whole problem was!
Yes, I was wrong at sulking. I have no right to. For my fellow Indian found my work of art offensive, and chose to mutilate it. In the society I inhabit today, this is how dissent is expressed. This is how differences of opinion are sorted out. This is how issues are thrashed out. What my colleague did was perfectly normal and in the limits of accepted public behaviour. I was a fool not to have realised this, for the signs are all around me.
The sena disagrees with something Shah Rukh says, they express their dissent by vandalising theatres playing his films. It is immaterial that what he said was his personal opinion, and as a tax paying citizen of India (SRK topped the tax payers list for full 6 successive years last decade!) he had every right to think, and speak it out in his own personal capacity.
Mumbai manoos suddenly wakes up to realise his city is no longer his own. He disagrees with the others that it is a shared empire of zillions. And what does he do? Thrash their already shanty abodes, kicking them out in hordes. Completely legitimate constitutional means of dissenting in a modern day democracy. To make things more civil and the protest more humane, the government turns a blind eye. After the entire oppressed majority needs a valve to vent out the pressures the minority is putting them under! That these minorities make the arteries of the mega city that sustains the lives and times of the oppressed majority is but a mere inconsequential detail in the sordid saga. Bombay mght have ben up for grabs, Mumbai isn’t my dear friend.
Muthalik and co. find jeans clad college going educated tequila guzzling girls in Bangalore offending; they have all the rights to bash them in public and teach them a lesson. That the girls were of legal drinking age, caught in a legal licensed bar is something that can be easily thrown out of the window. The moral propriety of the majoritarian India is at stake after all. Just so the minority like me raise a meek voice of protest at this anarchy in Bangalore; we are reminded namma bengaluru doesn’t tolerate deviations.
Hussein paints gods and goddesses in obscene poses. It offends our religious sensibilities. So burn his work, disrupt his exhibitions, torture him out of the country, never to let him in and flash the content smile of a job well done when he laments at having to accept refuge in another country. After all he insulted our gods! It’s another matter that nudity, sex and religion in India went hand in hand since time immemorial. It’s another matter that Husain never forced us to go see his work and get offended. To hell with the ideals of creative liberty and freedom of expression. A swami nityananda found seducing young girls on candid camera? Sure. A M.F. Husain recreating something that always was amidst us? Now that is an assault on Hinduism.
So it was that I had been a real jerk in thinking of hitting back at the very civilized and democratic way of expressing angst at my indiscretion and uncivil expression of a tormented demented psyche my parents gifted me with that my righteous colleague chose. I was an imbecile to have thought we were sharing the place, for it clearly belonged to someone else, I was merely tolerated till I remained in my set limits. What I should have done instead, is to apologise.
Apologise for free thinking. Apologise, for my creativity. Apologise for my right to beautify my work bench just so I could spend a few minutes smiling as I peep around in between a busy workday. I should have apologised. For choosing to express myself knowing full well that I am a minority, and in a free republic like India, it is against the law to do what the majority doesn’t like. Say sorry, for I offended the sensibilities of the majority. Remorse, for I forgot that freedom in India was a privilege and not a right.
Sadly, like the shah rukhs and hussains and Bihari bhaiyyas of my nation, I refuse to apologise. I refuse to say sorry. And I would gladly commit the same crime again and again. I am not sure for how long though.
Shah Rukh saved his film with a luncheon meeting. Husain opted refuge with another country, the Bihari takes heart in the hope that nitish might in another half century turn his own state into a mini Mumbai. All this, while I, type an application to my manager to change my bench, as atonement for the sins I committed, so that my creative indiscretions are no longer an inconvenience to my fellow Indian.
We, the free thinking, free speaking minority, are indeed a lunatic lot. And every time, we just got to live with their mental problems.

was going thru the idiot box yesterday after a gap of 7 days! well , was pleasantly surprised that all things were the same as i had left them :P. its clished yet, a truism , that nothing changess on telly in years!!! well sony has been changing though!! almost every month now isnce may !! a revamp, a slwe of new offerings , most of which fell flat on their face just three weeks into their run time! and yet again itis changing its content!
watching sony these days makes me reach out to the phone and call the bosses there to tell them that i DO NOT wanna watch cid all thru the day! and neither does india! lol!!
but sony isnt what got me to write after such a long gap!
its big boss 3 instead! yes , that popular show on the new number one h gec colours!
yesterdays episode had the obivously gay ( id rather call him transgendered , not in a derogatory way of course) designer was crying his ( or is it her) heart out , post a fight with vindu!!

it made me cringe!! yes , i mean i agree we r indians and we wear our emotions on our sleaves and our movies are all about "family" and long long teary dialogues, yet this is taking things too far! reality tv , neednt be this irritating right? its pretty much disgusting watch grown up people bitching around , plotting against each other .
the whole idea of big boss itself, teeters on the voyvuertistic. putting a bunch of poeple from disparate backgrounds , into the same house , is traumatic. even within a family, there exist many frissions and opportunities to erupt! yet our family syste ensures that pressures are contained and tempers are minded. there are checks and limits to the freeodm one can excersise in the great indian family.
big bosse's pr managers want us tobelieve this is a replication of our now dying joint family system. then why does it have the support systems and checks absent?
why is a person like the designer , allowed to be humiliated on national television? albeit the whole episode cudve been stage managed, taking thing son face value for once, i really felt bad for the guy! i mean , as it is gays are not winning any prizes in popularity stakes all over the nation. and now this??
i wudnt say its ok for straight men or women to go up and abuse/cry/get into drama-queen mode on tv, but i guess its all the more not ok fro someone from the lgbt community! it is required that they get a national identity , but this shud be a positive one. big boss sadly is just reinforcing steroetypes and entrenching the midset that gays are worth ridicule and mockery!!

i aint no flag carrying supporter of the community , but from the pure humanitarian point of view , entirely outside the debate of lgbt vs straight society, i believe every human deserves dignity! and that is bing violated day in and day out on big boss 3!

bracethy self my blog,for i am here again!

as is the wont,am back after along break .thebreak this time was less self-inflicted and more a product of unavoidable circumstances .anyways , id rather not dwell on those ,as heavier matters await my undivided attention.

of late ihave been on a path of self realisation, a phase, i am told all have, and i am long overdue!anyways out of all the churning and thinking that i have been into lately , 0ne conclusion screams its throat hoarse out at me.that i would be only as happy or as sad as i let myself be!! high thoughts those are for sure coming out of my mind, but theni think this makes sense. i have been trying to look for happiness all arround.making things work for others at the cost of my interests most of the time in the foolish hope that i ammaking someone happy and there lies real peaceofmind!!! it might for many,it doesn for me anymore ,not for now atleast
!

soi am out of a bad situation. ( it was bad but had its high points!!)and am starting afresh , on a clean slate!hoping that i do not repeat the foolhardiness that i wasuptothe last time.

in pursuit of happiness,i set along anewjourney. the past isneither forgotten norforgiven, yet asthey say, living on inyesterdays wouldnt secure my tommorrows!!

the return of the blogger,,,
yes laugh your brains out but thats what i term my comeback , yet again, to blogosphere. I must say this spell of self imposed exile was a bit shorter than the earlier ones. Am sure i am learning to delink the blog posts with my mental state of affairs and keep dishing out nonsense for , well mostly , no one but me to read . lolz
iron man cometh,,
sounds like sand man coming in from spiderman 3 ? well outlook screamed the arrival of iron man advani in the PMO last week. Now now really! Takes leaps of imagination for me to fathom and digest this octogenarian taking to the high office. He has dreamt of it for long. I hope and pray he never manages to go beyond the deputy pm post that he had prior to 2004 and India shining. Aamen to that .
India shining to India achieving,,,
BJP said India was shining when it clearly wasn’t for a lot many . Congress now wants us to believe India is achieving . even now not many seem to share the dull yet un missable buzz that the grand old party is trying ti build around this notion of a growing nation on the march to duperpowerdom. From a high 9 % growth to this years projected 5 % growth , much of the achievement we had ahs been eroded off by the recession. yes we have the costliest and cheapest car being made by our own company , the largest cotton bounty in the world, the best monsoon spells in recent memory , yet what has refused to change is the fact that we still are struggling to get our growth story on track. The bubbles fast bursting for the economy, and soon the shine shall wear off our currency. Then what will the political class come up with ? Indian healing??
Bad omen on the horizon,,,
Aprils gonna be a dry month for multiplexes . yes i have talked of this to all i can see since a week now yet i cant make myself to move over this misery. No hindi releases in april coz of the producers-exhibitors strike. What on earth makes them do this injustice to film hungry delinquents like me is beyond my comprehension. Dont they have a heart? Don’t they have kids who go gaga over shah rukh and oooh la la over deepika ?? as if the Indian summer wasn’t enough to make life difficult ! any ideas to mediate and break the impasse?? Till i blog again , pray for the safe release of all hindi films on time !

a month old , and already tiring,,,

i am already a month into this new year . the so called honeymoon with the new years done. two festivals wrapped up already! fatigue has set in! i mean the new year is old already! come to think of it i really don understand whats new in a new year? the same old month of jan the same rigmarole of festivals and spring arrival, the same republic day parade speeches the same exam fears for the third month of the year! why do we even celebrate january??

who deserves the lotus?

also , whats not new about the new year is the controversy over the national civillian awards, the padma's! time was when it was considered indecent top public announce your displeasure at being left out by the hi-offices of north block , and finding your name missing from the years list was meant to be taken silently in stride as a bitter pill. not now anymore! while the govt plans to bestow the lotuses to anyone who makes for good photo-ops on front pages ( i do not find another reason why ash and akki got the honour this year ) the people who get left out screm from roof-tops that the grapes are sour. we vote for eveything thses dyas in India. why not have sms polls on the padma awards too? see shahrukh might even perform ont eh ceremony, and doordarshan can make money telecasting the otherwise sombre proceedings at rashtrapati bhavan! when i get mine, i sure would want some jazz -razzmatazz at the venue!

from foot- in -mouth to tongue- in- cheek

bushes are out of the white house , the colour of the hour is black in america. both metaphorically and literally! so while americans get the taste of a new dispensation at the helm, the rest of the world , thsoe strange lands that bush loved talking of, seem to have nothing muc different to look forward to. if one had his foot in his mouth perprtually, the current one has his tongue firmly in cheek as he makes all the right innaugural noises , his administration silently continues with the policies left behind by the predecessor. change is what obama pormised . how long would the change take to be visible on the ground o one knows. chances are , not too soon .

oscar dreams:

finally we have somehting to look forward to on feb22 nd at the kodak theatre . will rehmaan saar make it or not? if it were filmfares, with three nominations saar would be assured of atleast one black lady to walk home with. but the oscars are a different ball game all together. all our hopes and prayers for this lil genius . jai ho aint exactly something that would set the indian charts on fire. but what the hell, as long as its oscar nominated , anything goes!

A new beginning ?,,,,

Life’s been hectic of late, leaving me not much time to write about anything . so in keeping with the trend of abridged clipped communication , my mind suggests cruising through a lot many thoughts at break neck speed without the usual munching that goes prior to a piece on this unread anonymous web log of mine. So snapshots it is for now,,,,

Oh Kolkata!!!

Had been to the city of joy past month. 6 yrs since i last went there and nothing much has changed .yes , my bong friends efficiently counter my point in that adamant leftist swagger that karat and co have now made famous, citing new flyovers roads turns bridges buildings the works that have come up since i last set foot here. Yet for an outsider not affected by that blinding love for this ageing metro, the change has blended right in with the old. Its the same all-encompassing black soot covered old rickety city, with people non chalantly going about with life , forever stooped in misthi- maacher jhol and memories of yore.
Come to think of it , as a coloumnist in another unchabged relic of this city ,telegraph says, it is in the very DNA of the Bengali bhodrolok not to let go of the past. To continue living in an antiquated vaccum afraid of what change might hav eins tore , content with what the old still has to offer. By the way , Mumbai’s DNA , the newspaper, has entered the Kolkata markets this year. Change , i guess cant be kept at bay for too long. Budho daa at writers building sure has started realising this.

Battle ready India.

No , i aint referring to the now-on-now-off Indo-Pak war of words. Time to move on from 26/11, cause its time for the Great Indian Ballot Tamaasha. 2009 , is an election year . and polls are bang on schedule thanks to the sombre sullen mood prevailing all over that holds the UPA form doing another “India Shining” ala NDA. Frankly does anyone really think Sonia-manmohan duo could have pulle doff what vajpai-mahajan did back in 2004? Could they have built a bubble , an illusion of UPA returning to power , like the saffron brigade led everyone to believe the last time we went voting?
Irrespective of the economy looking permanently south bound and terror being our resident evil, no one doubts the capacity of the congress to have the spine ( foolhardiness some would say) that the BJP had , of celebrating victory even before crossing even the first hurdle. Confidence( occasionally bordering on arrogance )is essential for a leader these days . with vajpai out, manmohan as irrelevant as he was 5 years back, no wonder faint cries of Modi-fying India are gaining currency.
A scary thought though , having ablood-stained tyrant ruling a bleeding nation soon.
By the way jaagore.com of janaagraha makes registering to vote very easy and simple. Indian democracy is coming of age !

Roy gives no joy!

Outlook ‘s back this week. Oddly, for no clear reason, it doesn’t have an issue int he first week of the new year! As i had feared , in response to the last issue’s article , readers have poured out their angst in the choicest of words against ms. Arundhati roy , that self appointed anti national moral compass . i ma not particularly fond of her and her writing ( a god of small things is still just a means to sound hi-brow in a gathering ) still i cant escape the fact that under her maverick play of words lies some logic , unintentional or other wise. While she makes whoopee slinging mud at the Indian state, one cant but agree with her when she says that as mush as terror is imported form across the border, our own domestic record of equality and justice ( rather the lack of it ) is responsible for our current state of insecurity. Not many have hte gumption to accept this. Not for sure the t.v. wallahs . they are making merry planning areas to be bombed on behalf of the Indian army. Outsourcing desi style !
Meanwhile outlook’s moved on to weightier issues. Its annual sex survey htis the stands this Monday . interesting week ahead !

Jhingalala at the khan camp!

And finally , my new year was brought in with the two king khans of bollywood. Ghajini and rab ne bana di Jodi were the onle films running at every theatre in my small city , it seems they still are. None dared clash witht he khans, specially aamir. After trouncing Harman –gay-baweja with is production early last year , he was back bashing goons as if it were balloons at aparty for kids from TZP.
Theres a lesson to learn form this guy though. Do any thing go to any level till people are forced to eat off your hands , seems to be his mantra. He carpet bombed the entire media space with a very average Hollywood inspired kollywood copied remake of an average efilm , turning it into the biggest grosser ever in history. So much so that after being a captive audience of his screams at the gym all thru a week on tata-sky, i saw the film just so i could tell him enough ! i saw ure film , paid the ticket ka paisa now spare me and my idiot box!
Akshay kumar’s learnt that lesson too. So i have my bags packed for a trip to china thru chandni chowk . so long then !

A casual conversation at a posh upscale begging-joint in maximum city ; a few days after its siege ,between our men, pappu langda(PL) and matinee show(MS) :
PL: oh dedh shaane ! dargella tha kya goli barood se ( oh halfcrack , got scared of all the firing ?) dint see you the next day here back at work? Don't you know as mumbaikars we are duty bound to do so after every terror attack ?
MS: haan bidu , that famed Mumbai spirit and all ! magar apun se nai hota ye sab ( i cant manage all that ). Saala i was scared to even open the door of my shack !
PL: wasn't your shack broken by raj bhaiya's Marathi manoos in the riots last month ? aur waise bhi, fikar nai karneka , is baar ka bomabom apun ki bambai pe nai , unki Mumbai main hua hai ( and anyways nothing to worry, this time the bombs not in our bambai but in their Mumbai )
MS: theekse samjha na be, ye sena navnirmaan sainiko ne Mumbai kabhi baant daala? ( explain properly when did the sena navnirman sainiks divide Mumbai?)
PL:kya be half ticket, ye sainik aam aadmi ke rakshak , aur kamal dhaari neta log kuch kar paate to apun ki mother india kabki akha world ki mother nai bengelli hoti?(oh dimwit! Had these sainiks, common mans protectors[congress]and the lotus holding politicos done something wudnt india have been the world leader by now?)
This division too , like most of our public works these days , has been done by our terrorist brothers from across the seas .

MS: ?????????
PL: simple hai na yaar ,didn't you see how they killed , gunned down people blasted grenades all over Mumbai , par apne ko kuch hua? Is baar ka bomb was for these rich baba log from Mumbai . not us faceless occupants of bambai.
MS:haan, i did see all that live on tv. Many goras died too. Our cst station too was attacked i heard though not many spoke of it. Barkha behen was more worried about our icon , some taj being damaged . what was that about?
PL: kaisa icon , kiska icon ?have you ever even been allowed to beg opposite to the taj hotel to call it your icon? Remember Mumbai-bana-shanghai evicted us out of our liucrative begging syndicate at the taj-colaba corridor? The division of Mumbai started then , it just got finished now. Added to that now even the cst wud be made out of bounds for us common man .
MS:oh ya ! i gues thats why mantriji said on tv that such small things keep happening in big cities. I am sure he must be aware that bhai log with guns were just completing a pending work right ?he kept his cool for the greater public good ...
PL: even if he didn't know he didn't have much choice. His bad luck this time the rich and famous died , including foreigners. It was obvious mantriji would have to leave mantralaya! No wonder he grabbed his last chance at 15 mins of fame on national tv live!
MS: hmmm, acha nowthat you seem to know so much , care to explain how different was 26/11 form jhaveri bazaar or the local train blasts?
PL: simple hai na bidu ! those were in common man's Bombay, where aam admi died. Aam admi bole to the faceless , address less who just count as heads for vote lists .so a weeks chattering is enough to forget and move on , cause not only is the common man highly fertile in increasing his numbers , he also is extremely resilent in the face of adversity.the mumbaikar is back to work the next day each time else bambai would stop. And bambai ruka, to india jhuka!aam aadmi is supposed to take it all in his stride.
MS:and this time?
PL: this time the big people are hit . all those mercedez Porsche items have died or got hurt . they would be mourned for months to come . they aren't know to be resilent like us. So their tragedy would surely be avenged. Their grief is NEWS . no wonder a sudden national "anger " and "need for change" is being felt all over mumbai now .
This ,when a hundred died that Wednesday, while thousands died a noisier unmourned death each time before ,. The terrorist bhai log touched their mumbai this time , their city . there has to be retaliation.
MS:oh to ab?
PL: well ,lots for them, not much for us ! neta log already got changed, its another matter one scoundrel replaced another.india ka image got tarnished abroad , so i hear they gonna bomb Pakistan soon . i think sau ameero ki maut hazaaroo gariibo ki maut se zyaada shor karti hai
mumbai main( death a hundred rich people makes more noise than that of thousands of poor in mumbai.) sab sunenge ab to( all would take heed now).
MS: aur apun ka kya ?
PL: apun ka kya ?we carry on in true mumbai spirit. Business is brisk these days with the newshounds all over. Take a tip, grab ure chance to be on tv too, just tell a camera guy that some one in jeans and t shirt gave u a pakistani rupee in alms on Wednesday! I got on to india tv that way in the morning! Till the next time bhai log remember to finish pending work in bambai, we can make some money . cause this time mumbai is under siege

i have always wondered how it wud feel. after the "deed" that is . i mean have always heard of people "doing it" all around me, all keep taliking and raving about how good and nice "it" feels, how wonderfulo a "deed" it can be, and how essential and basic to mankinds nature "it" is. and finally, i "did it".
as a child , i didnt know much about "it". the age of innocence just goaded me to think that all i did was wats there to do in life in thsi world, that the things i liked are the things all like. neither was the deed discussed nor thought about in the puritan and conservative household that my home is. na , its not that brahmanical in ambience , but we are brahmins nonetheless, so out of the window go taboo subjects like "the deed". so till i guess i was in college , life without it was the only life i knew! none i know of at home did it, nor were they interested in it.

though a teenage full of constant demarches to stay away from "it" added to the charm oand mystery attached to the act , i never quite had the guts to jump roght inot "it". like many other teenage fantasies fuelled by raging hormones, this "deed" too took the form of the forbidden fruit that adam was asked not to touch , but tempted nonetheless. guess i was waiting for an eve to tempt me fatally into the act ! aah, this even more made me imagine myself out there actually in the act , enjoying every single moment of it.

as teenage made way for a more hedonistic hormone-homeostasised adulthood, fresh young blood of mine took a moralistic approach to the forbidden fruit of yore, making me think that wat i didnt succumb to as a teen, neednt entice me now as a mature adult ! how wrong i was , for i forgot that after all i am aman , and men are supposed to folly at the slightest hint of temptation , especially if it is a long desired one! this period , marked by a constant fight deep inside me , about the moral pros and cons of doing the"deed" made me also rationalise the act in logical terms free from the baggae of moral evils that my upbringing had forced me to attach to the whole idea. so as i realsied that all my friends all my enemies, why for that matter everyone around me was into the act, like it was the most ntural thing to do aas a human being, iw as the one left out , with a self imposed ban on even remtely associating myself with something so demenaning and wrong to do as "the deed". unbrahmanical , i wudve surely been dipped in boiling hot oil in the court of the mighty yama.

but finally, i have given in to the temptation. the forbidden fruit has been bitten! and eve has taken control of the innocent man's future. pandora opened the box with the heavy lid of morality once again, this time to unleash god knows what ! and yama has just raised the heat under the cauldron marked for me in the after life. yes , after 25 years of living a celibate and chaste life on this eveil infested earth, i have done the deed!
i just ate my first chicen kebab roll from the college canteen!

i hope yama doesnt get too upset!

as john abraham and abhishek bacchan kissed each other with a petite pretty piggy chops looking over indulgently in dostana on screen, a very poignant realisation hit home.

 no , i aint talking of the homophobic gay bashing theme of the film . the three odd hours of the running time of dostanaconclusively divided the indian movie going populace. a new partition of the indian viewer reached its finale witht his latest offering form the brash brave bold new bollywood.

 hindia cinema , or bollywood as we ever so lovingly christened it , has gone elitist in every sense of the word. a new wave has swept thru the film industry back home. technological advancements, new legitimate money, some good talent behind th escenes, and a sharp astute pr machinery have made the standard friday release a sleek svelte affair .( never mind the fact that much of the story telling is still appalingly immateurish and unoriginal, some habits die hard).

the advent of multiplexes add to this making a movie outing a very very ultra-glamorous event. you, me and the likes have neer had it so good. yet are we the only ones who watch the hindi film? ot by the fartherest leap of imagination. for there still exists outside the glitz and glam of the mall-multiplex, a huge chunk of an audience that still sees a hindi film at a single -screen dingy nondescript theatre .that expects a paisa-vassol entertainer of 3 hrs. that searches for a voice to speak out for its plight int he real world. that looks upto a hero who speaks their tongue ( and not hinglish ) and vanquishes the villians of their real lives , if only on reel.why do i feel that the mumbai dream machine has disowned them ?

with increasing upward mobility in a small percentage of indians and a real threat from hollywood ( in even in regional dubbed versions ) hindi films today cater exclusively to these handfull, who anyways look else where for entertainment and look down upon desi films.int he process bollywood has ceased to reflect the aspirations of those who actually made the heros and heroines demi gods on the roads. so while live-ins, gay couples, hi-flying fashion glamour worlds , futuristic sci-fi and superheor-wannabes form the crux of our stories on celluloid these past few years, hindi cinema no longer has the pan indian allure it once boasted of. the hero is a selfish rich guy, cozy in his state of the art perfect bubble ( just like much of the 200rs and up paying captive audience watching the hero) who has no idea watsoever of what life is like for the rickshaw puller whom he used to represent not so long ago. his interests concerns his everything are a world apart from the masses .

the only missing link of sorts between old and new bollywood perhaps is the heroine who still nothing mroe than an object of lust. yet even she no longer is coy about shedding clothes at the drop of a hat, alienating a considerable men with her in-ure-face sensuality.in such a case why is ti a surprise then to find the ravi kissens and manoj tiwari's take centre stage in the big league? the vacucm created by bollywood is being filled by its poor cousins from patna raipur ludhiana and the likes.as a cash rich bollywood confidently dispense off the mass viewer as an irritant , regional cinema of the commercial kind , led by the bhojpuri industry, has stpped in to provide the complete masala package in the lingo understood by and loved by the masses, depicting a life that bollywood hitherto celebrated.and with a ready audience fresh from the betrayal at the hands of hindi films, merrily has joined in th eparty at your nearest theatre hall.

but then , what happens to our good old hindi film? almost extinct i guess save a stray delightfully oldworld welcome to sajjanpur. indians , the majority that crowds outside a mall not inside it, have a new cousin in town to thealien english flick, thedesi hindi film! no matter how priyanka ties the saree , she can never be the desi girl of the common man on the road anymore.

obama has made history by winning the polls in the big apple! his win has kind of brought the dark-skinned minorities in america into the mainstream , though how different would his presidency be from bush is what only time can answer, given the fact that bush has mangled american policies beyond recognition! while the whole world is rejoicing at this groundbreaking turn of events in the land of immense opportunities, india, the superpower in themaking, is busy analysing whom can it count upon to be her own obama. well , we ape everything from americans, so we ought to have our own version of obama for sure!
now to find our own obama, we need to first understand what he represents. as an afro-american, he represents those millions of immigrants who reached american sopil in search of a better livelyhood and life, in the hope of freedom liberty and equality that amercia promised but seldom deliverd. in this respect , india is not very different. for she too has a large populace who stayed on or came hoping for equality and yet have been marginalised in teh society. by this yeardstick, looking for an indian obama would possibly yield results if we looked at our immigrant communities. first that hits my mind is sonia gandhi. an italino-indian, marginalised in herown family while ehr hubby and mom in law were alive, sidelined in her own party while kesari and co ruled the roost, and now the power behind a turbaned buffon , running the reigns of the nation by proxy thru knee jerk reactions to huge problems . in her i guess not only do we have a minority leader, we also score on the women's lib bit! but sadly i guess while obama latched on to the opportunity that life gave him, sonia missed the bus the day she sacrificed at the behest of that now famous voice of ehr inner soul.
that leaves us with the other fav immigrants down south. the tigers! tamil beacons of hope finding empathy with alomst everyone living in the indian territory of the language.savef romt he glitch that they assasinated one of our pm's, the tamil tigers stand a huge chance of giving us our own obama.(they also gave srilanka her own osama u c, they are dependable).

moving on in our search , its highly recommended that in view of indian vastness and diversity, we include many others in the probable lists of obamas. this needs us to look at the other side that obama himself embodies. a minority enslaved and the recieving end if deep seated racial hatred , he has to overcome many odds to reach the white house. so should an indian sc/st/obc not be equated with him? we dont kill for race, we kill in the name of caste. and so we have the likes of kanshiram (had he known obama wud dothis he wudve postponed his demise am sure) , and now mayawati fit the bill this way. rich now, poor yesterday, illitrate then the same now, powerless then , powerfull to the point of arrogance today, and a woman. what more does india want in her answer to the black american prez?!
a muslim pm did anyone say ? now tat i think wud be a very interesting scenario. for undoubtedly muslims are a minority that has been much neglected in the nation. but who woudl have the couraget o accept this? whih political outfit would actually publicly accept that muslims were taken for a ride by them and a\do ammends by iomplying the sacchar committee report? none! and so its next to immpossible for us to dream of a muslim obama. not only this , obama himself once in teh hot seat would develop the hatered that white hosue has for islam sooner than later. and we being strategic "partners" we cant have a muslim head of state!
that leaves just one name in my mind who can eb india's answer to obama!! and tat is rakhi sawant! she was poor, marginalised( all indian women are per se ), illiterate(she still is), oppressed( on account of her well-endowed assets) , jeered, ridiculed (out of sheer jelousy ) and ofcourse a controversial past ( tats our indian pre requisite to make to the natons top office). and whats more , we win femeinst brownie points for having both a lady prez and a lady pm ( now wudnt tat be awesome, both together watching balaji serials while the nation goes to dogs? am sure the jobless prez of ours must be looking forward to this). yeah i am sure rakhi is the IT girl( in other terms too) . india need not look too far for her own obama! albiet we should now call her obami!

i write this with a heavy heart. as i type these sad words, an eracomes to an end. a vrey integral part of my life, for the past 8 yrs,has come to an end. and as is with most partings, its a heavy hurtthats left in my mind as i bid good bye to this very cherished thing,for ever.

yes dear frends, the daily soap kahani ghar ghar ki , has ended. thelast episode was aired tonight at ten pm. the time that was synonymousfor me with teh serial for the past 8 years , will no longer be thesame for me.

it all began 8 years back in 1999, wen i was in tenth , and star pluswas still a new hindi channel , with some basic nonsense in the nameof programming gluing ever faithfulls like me to the idiot box. and incame the adds, a diya burning, and two hands rshing to hold it as awind blows past the burning diya in front of a ram idol. 

and stunnedwas my mum , like millions other houswives were, with the sheerbrillinace of the idea and concept of wathcing the daily bickering ofsaas - bahu on national television. so started a relation , rishta intele-speak, tat lasted for 8 long years.parvati , om , trishna, and the rest became like family to us. theybecame names that were taken in the smae breath as those of closerelatives, as if we lived with them each and every moment of ourlives. talk shows , news , gossip, parvati and her saas were all over.

an epitome of sita, of durga and the real indian stree, she ruled trpsfor like forever. in the process, taking the form of goddess laxmi forstar plus and ekta kapoor , that master mind behind the serials withk's all over them.

it was magical , characters died, got reborn , died again and resurfaced like a pheonix from ahses. men , for once were reduced tomere caricatures silently watching their ladies wage wars in thekitchen. scheming , smart, witty villanous ladies all, who knew how toavenge their sindoor and do paisa vasool justice to the dowries theygave before marrying their respective useless hubbies! women-power wasat its peak , if only on television.

and now , its all come to an end. many were seen rejoicing here, forsome ti was like diwali came a lil earlier this year ( last heard theall indian dukhiyaari-pati-andolan has called of fits fasting andannounced a national celebration in all its city branches in thecountry)but for many it is a serious loss that i guess will never becompensated for. 

ten pm each nite from monay thru friday will never bethe same again.may parvati find peace in her after life.

(p.s: for the severly addicted, star utsav is still running the reruns of the series, and  om  still has to get his third rebirth in the serial there, )

its time. the days are numbered. the clocks ticking faster since a week now, rushing to complete the cycles so that day turns to night and the day again, in a maddening haste. soon it will be the fatefull morning. full of anticipation and anxiety, i shall turn 25. silver jubilee of my existance on planet earth. 25 years of irritating troubling enjoying celebrating crying nagging survival , in the quest for greatness and unadultrated bliss. so ? bdays come and go ud say ha?!well , the first doctrine on the path to immortal glory , is to take ureself and things attatched to therein dead seriously. so considering the potential greatness waiting to embrace moi, its justified to take the event of my birth to the next ultimate level of recognition.( sadly not many share my views on this, yet all great men were opposed severely in their times. the world will know ! but i shal not be around no??!!).
so getting back to some seriou business, the main differentiating factor ( geek-phrase number 223)between this day and ht eothers that have gone past, is that i turn old . yes the law of nature makes it imperitive for all to age with the years (except madhuri dixit . stop sniggering and concentrate on the more pressing issue on hand .)turning 25 suddnely gives me the jeepie-creepies. i shall form now on be expected to be mature, smart, intelligent, and grown up. in short, lifes all f****d up from now on dude!!!
so out goes all the fun in life. the signs are showing already. last month on a pre-bday shopping spree , i was adviced not to get too funky wid styles, tone down the colour palate to 'dignify my 25' (whatever that meant!) . a new set of regulations and rules wud now on be governing my existance in the grab of protocols for a matured life. i hate rules and i hate this new phase of life!! i am not ready to grow up. period .
is being 25 really so bad? taking stock of life so far, as i have always maintianed, i am content! if the next moment is my last , i wudnt turn into a ghost from a RGV film out to quench some unfulfilled thirst or desire. save the longing to meet lady M, i have had a fulfiling life. mor eimportantly if lifes gonna be as dumb and unexciting as it is being made out to be form now on, i sincerely pray i dont live to see it !! naah, i dont think so! i guess some instincts never die out. you cant take out silliness and downright obnoxious behaviour from me. thats what defines me. the whackiness, the quriky , moronic streak and the flamboyance of a 5 yr old showing off his new toy, is the core essence of being me! and no amount of age , advice or bdays can ever take that away from me. so all those who are ready to mutate me into a grown up serious educated posh human fool, stay away. this cookie aint gonna crumble that way !!
ooops! another days gone contemplating what lies in store for post-bday life! the clocks ticking even faster , the days becoming night in a hurry, and its time! hope i have a happy birthday !!

indian civilization , has for long prided in itself for being the torchbearer of philosophy and knowledge in human race.since time immemorial ( a very very indian addition to the british lingua franca, this phrase too is loaded with philosophy!) we have been the leading intellectual think tank , spouting immense divine knowledge in the most mundane of our daily existances. as the rest of the ignorant world goes from one developmental milestone to another, we indians rest assured in the fact that one fine day , they will all turn to us for nirvana, till then we bid our time , and reinvent ways and means to keep alive this sprit of reaching out to the unknown , the eternal , the meaning of life !

as time has passed , though philosophy has remained much the same, the people preaching it , and in rare cases practicing it has changed .and who else to take on this onerous task of preserving our heritage than our very own bollywood??!! the symbol of everything tats remotely indian! so here we are , in the 21st century , wer our ages old streak of introspection and intellectual munching , is well preserved and honed by our very own hindi films! how did u ask?? ( u sure u live in india??? i hear even the moronic americans see the inner meaning in our films these days! get an appointment with the doc ;like now!! ) well read on to find out! 

sample this ,,,,,,,,,  one two three, one two three,duniya main aana hai freeduniya se jaana hai free, dekh tamasha duniya ka free!! three simple lines , in modern hinglish ( come on we all speak it , yet dont know wat it is actually called !! ) and what great thought lie burried deep in it! can nayhting else espouse the notion of boundry-less world , free of material desire and clashes therein, more simply than this? innane as it may sound ( we tend to cater to the lowest common denominator in our films u c), it puts across such a heavy idea in such an effortless manner! can the speilbergs , mel gibsons match this ?? 

no highbrow jargons for us please! we like our sermons served spicy hot and simple! the heroine cries out choli ke peeche kya hai ( let the perverted minds think wat they want , they shall repay for it in hell!!!), the whole nation burns the night oil discussing the underlying meaning in the loaded question.love and its myraid forms get compared to natures many facets in dilli ki sardi ( pyaar tera dilli ki sardi ,). 

edutainment runs in our blood, and so we teach our kids to be careful of environmental phenomena like lightnings in style ,in verse! ( baabuji zara dheere chalo , bijli khadi yahan bijli khadi ).virtues of ciggerette smoking get promulgated thru gyrations nonstop( beedi jaliale . padosi ke chuhle se aag laile!) geography is fun when remixed ( mian aayi hun u.p bihar lootne),u name it and we have it. whats more , we have created a special genre to immortalise this special artform, enshrining ancient wisdom in aheady cocktail of modern entertainment and economics , calling it The Item Number ( seriously , we need a guiness entry for the largest new words coined in english ).

so while the ignorant mind would jus be able to see a scantily clad gilr wet in rain ( or wine , depending on the budget of the film) , gyrating to a racy tune, the actual enlightened indian mind wud be able to reach out to the hidden meaning , grasp the message , and imbibe in the sermon all in a span of a 3 min item song.and bowing down to the dictum of eqaulity of women in all walks of life, item songs serve as an employment source for many an aspiring ladies, enabling them to serve the cause of the betterment of the MANkind ( bless their souls).

 so here we are , searching the answers to lifes toughest questions , expressing the mental ruminations creatively for arts sake! thank god for bollywood , indians can rest assured of a long long future , as they say , till time immemorial yet again!

hey there
me backs with a review after long. y u asks? coz moi didnt find anything worth reviewing in bollywood of late! with madhuri back to her domicile , me sadbhootnas! lolz
well finally i seem to have broken the vow of movie-celibacy and i was right in the theatre to watch bhoothnath.
starring big b and a new kid on the block , this is a summer kiddos stuff on offer from bollywood.
to be frank , i expected it to be a stupid sentimental stash of nonsense where the mom over acts the kid over acts and as always big b over acts.! sur[prisingly , i was surprised!! and how!! bhoothnath is fun , and fun while it is on.
the story line is simple, a ghost , played with elan by amitabh, doesnt like anyone living in his erstwhile mortal home, and in come shahrukh juhi and their son into the house. th eghost tries scaring th ekid out of hte house , instead the kid befriends the ghost and starts a lovely friendship that transcends age and lo behold ! even death and after life!! trouble is not far behind , in the form of amitabh's son who wants to break the house and make a resort. is the house broken ? i leave that fro you to discover.
amitabh and the child artist share an amazing onscreen chemistry, that forms the backbone of the film. the child is adorable, naughty and real treat , while amitabh as the ghost is equally amusing. the music of hte film is a plus, making for some nice tunes and enhancing the fun quotient. the sorry song in amitabhs baritone specially stays with you long after u leave the multiplex.( an apt follow up to maa from tzp). vishal shekhar ar efast prooving to be a dependable duo. special mention should be made for the special effects that add to the fun. juhi is great as the comic mum, while srk doesnt do much ( whats with that ponytail one wonders though ??)
all in all , bhoothnath is a treat for the kids as well as the adults( the melodramatic last half is interesting if not for the cringing climax , but hey all films have flaws!). go see it on a lazy hot sunday afternoon , and pep up ure spirits ! literally!!

Madhuri Dixit in Koffee With Karan